


Under the façade

by 1YoungWriter1



Category: Black Widow (Comics), Captain America (Comics), Marvel 616, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Winter Soldier (Comics)
Genre: F/M, My Opinion, slightly AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-10
Updated: 2014-08-10
Packaged: 2018-02-12 14:48:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2113989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/1YoungWriter1/pseuds/1YoungWriter1
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>CA:TWS retold in fragments from Natasha's POV.<br/>I'm basically honouring the comics and my 'realism'</p>
            </blockquote>





	Under the façade

**Author's Note:**

> This will be from the comics and movies plus my imagination.

“He was fast, strong... Had a metal arm.” Steve’s voice cut into Natasha’s mind like a cold dagger cuts into warm flesh. She was almost sure he was talking about him. Almost.  
“Ballistics?” She asked, hoping her voice didn’t quiver too much. She could vaguely hear the answer from Hill. For a split second she forgot about everything around her: forgot about Fury, forgot about SHIELD, forgot about Steve and Hill.  
She was standing in front of the cryo-chamber, looking through the frosty glass at her lover. Tears formed on her eye for the first time in decades. Her heart was burning with pain, love, regret and hate. A tear threatened to fall from her right eye and she let it drop to her feet, on to the linoleum floor.  
A tear threatened to fall from her right eye and she gulped in the warm air. She tried to distract herself, hide the grief from those who surrounded her.  
“Don’t do this to me, Nick…”  
It seemed to work, as her red eyes were not questioned. She needed to get away as soon as possible. She needed time alone, to think, to remember, to plan… But she wouldn’t get it. Fury was dead, SHIELD would be on ‘full alert’. She just needed to hold on a little bit more…  
Amazingly, she gets a few spare hours to sleep off the exhaustion. And though her body is tired, her mind is too awake to sleep. With only a few hours left till she’s back in the field, she can only set her story straight.  
Fury knew of her past with the Winter Soldier but it wasn’t on any records, or was it? Anyhow, there wasn’t much that she told Fury, so she could stick to that for the time being. She saw him a couple of times, he interrupted on of her missions, left her a scar and she couldn’t find him since. 

*****

That wasn’t even half-true. He had been her personal trainer in the Red Room, they had done a few missions together, they were lovers, then his memory was wiped. Those were the bare facts. But there was so much more!  
She couldn’t think about that now, she didn’t have the time or opportunity. She took a cold shower and composed herself. She could only go with the flow now and see where it would take her.  
“Who is he?” She blinks and forgets herself. She is Natasha Romanoff, she’s only met the Winter Soldier once… A blink is enough.  
“He’s a ghost. You won’t find him, I tried.” She slips. The façade falls, memories rush back, flooding her mind. She traced him a far as America after the Union fell apart in 1991. He was sold by her ex-handler in the Red Room. And for what? A few million dollars?! The man was a moron and a traitor, his sentence was served swiftly. Anyhow, she almost came close to finding him once, but a SHIELD assignment got in the way and she lost the track.

*****

Thankfully, the adrenaline doesn’t let her ponder on her memories. They’re being chased by SHIELD, she has to put all of herself on the job.  
“Romanoff, Natalia Alianovna, born 1984.” She acts as if it’s not a lie, as if she didn’t live through the War, as if 30 year of age is ‘old’. She doesn’t let the façade slip this time, even though she’s close.

Romanova, Natalia Alianovna, born 1929, enlisted for the Red Room program, put through to test Soviet Super-Serum, became the Black Widow, worked for USSR and freelance before surrendering herself to SHIELD.  
The explosion knocks her unconscious and all the memories she thought she lost come back. Detailed fragments of her life appear before her eyes. She can remember the sweater he wore when she first met him, the look on his face when she almost beat him in a fight, his tern voice each time she nearly killed him but always ended up on the floor, the soft caresses he gave her the first time they made love, the passionate kisses, the strong coffee, the knife he used, the gun he carried, the scar she gave him…

*****

She’s sad, worn out and troubled. When they reach Sam Wilson it finally starts to show.  
“It seems I’ve traded the KGB for Hydra…” That’s all she can come up with but, amazingly, it works.  
She never really had any delusions about working for SHIELD. From one point of view she was a hero, from another – a deadly foe. But from aside, she knew she didn’t really change. She lied and killed for liars and killers, Loki was right. He was just wrong to assume it troubled her now. She had never dropped her façade fully, not since him. She was always on-guard, always thought carefully about what she said and did. It was her way of life, her only way of surviving and living in a certain luxury at the same time.

*****

When she catches his eyes behind the glasses, she can feel his gaze go through her like radiation. For a moment, because of a glimpse, because his expression changed in a few millimetres, she realises that he remembers her. Not fully, not completely, but he knows her.  
When she get the chance to shoot him she misses. On purpose, though she’ll never admit it to anyone but herself. She hits his glasses, giving him a chance to realise who she is.  
He’s after her. She can feel the word ‘traitor’ in his gaze. But she also hears grunts of approval at her skill. At least she hasn’t degraded that much. But he’ still stronger, faster and better.  
When he hoots her, she knows that he aimed for the shoulder. He wouldn’t have missed if he wanted to kill her. She doesn’t know why he’ left her alive: was he repaying her for not killing him? Or did he remember her now?  
What make everything worse is that they’re caught. The fact that he’s Steve’s friend brings the situation to a full Rock Bottom. She’s scared, that if SHIELD or Hydra gets access to his brain that they’ll make a doll out of him. The Red Room did, so could Hydra, especially if they can put a hunt up for Captain America. Perhaps Steve will listen to her…

*****

He’s stronger, faster and better. But a millisecond is all that can tip the balance, all she need to bring him down is a slight quiver. He swings round him and electrocutes his metal arm. While he’s temporarily stunned, she plunges a knife into the right side of his chest. She aims above the heart, but he moves. He gasps at the sudden pain, paralyzed. Dark red blood gushes from his main artery, soaking her hands.  
“Нет…” She whispers, her breath ragged and unsteady. Tears roll down her cheeks uncontrollably, and in no time she’s hyperventilating. He tries to put pressure on the wound, even though she knows it’s fatal.  
“Good girl-” he whispers, looking into her eyes. She leans towards him, catching his lips in a kiss just as he falls into oblivion. The minute movement of his lips against hers tell her all that she needs to know. She cries hysterically, falling onto his still-warm chest, covering he face in his blood. She screams and screams, clutching at his leather jacket, begging him to come back to her.  
In a few minutes she’s dragged away by the STRIKE team, barely conscious of her surroundings. She’s hit hard on the head, to silence her screams-

*****

She wakes up in the lair where Fury is hiding. She’d passed out from exhaustion and loss of blood. He’s alive, still working for Hydra, still a ghost without a past.  
Fury doesn’t let her go with Steve, making her infiltrate the Council. If Steve doesn’t bring James in, she’ll hunt him down herself. There were still a few debts she could pull in. SHIELD was going down, so she didn’t have to worry about that anymore.  
“Even your secrets!” She almost laughs. As if SHIELD new any of her real secrets! No, her façade was almost perfect: only Fury and a few other people could guess of its existence. With the final press of a key, she annihilated SHIELD. She was finally free…

*****

She gives Steve the file on James as a gesture of ‘good will’. The real reason is, that she knows that file inside out: The Winter Soldier, programming, missions, statistics, reports, conservation. The file didn’t contain his real name or origin. After all, why not create a ghost, when you can?  
She’ll find him. She won’t fail this time. And she’ll find a way to return his memories, she owes him that much. She doesn’t know what will happen next, whether they will stay together or drift apart. But she has to get there first.  
Finally, she can think straight. She’s not hiding under a façade now, she’s not thinking like someone else. It’ll take time to get used to it, but she’s completely free now. She is Natalia Alianovna Romanova, and she will pay her debt to the one man she truly loved.


End file.
